COVID-19: Dealing with Negative Emotions

COVID-19 has impacted all our lives in one way or another. By this point, some of us have adjusted to this new environment, while others are - understandably - still trying to find their way through the chaos. I don’t know all the criteria that allows a person to adapt and thrive in a situation that is as uncertain as this one, but as someone who has moved from the latter group to the former, I have some ideas.

The 3 Levels of Control:

Looking at this from a big picture, there’s a lot we can’t control. Write down everything that is making you anxious, put an “x” next to the items you have no control over, and work on letting those things go. I know that’s easier said than done, but stay with me. This list is likely huge. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen items: gyms being closed, the mere existence of this pandemic, the actions of other people, the weather, grocery store stock, slow internet, delayed shipping from online retailers, the governor’s orders, how the news is reported, the uncertainty of staying employed, etc. A lot of this is heavy stuff, so it’s no wonder many of us are feeling overwhelmed.

Now look at your list again and identify the things that you cannot control directly but have some influence over. Put a check mark next to them, or underline them. For example, you can influence your chances of getting sick by covering your mouth and nose when you go out, practicing good hygiene, socializing only with people you live with (phone calls and video chats excluded), and minimizing your time in public spaces. On a similar note, you can influence how well-rested you are by going to sleep early enough to get a solid 8 hours of sleep. You may not fall asleep right away or stay asleep the entire night, but you’re doing what you can. Perform the actions necessary to push what you can influence in a positive direction, but not to the point of obsession.

Last, identify everything that you have complete - or nearly complete - control over. Highlight these items, draw smiley faces next to them, or better yet, type all of this out and separate everything into three columns - no control, some control (influence), and complete control - because this exercise is that important. Now add more things to the “complete control” list, because this is where you should be focusing your time and mental energy.

So what can you control?

Let’s start with diet. Yes, the grocery store shelves are more empty than what you’re used to and you might not get the exact cut of meat that you prefer, but the produce section is still nicely stocked. There’s no reason you can’t create a healthy meal with whatever is available. Fill half your plate with vegetables, add whatever protein you can find, and include healthy fats, fruit, and starches to round things off. It’s that simple.

Similarly, you can absolutely control whether - and how often - you exercise. If you have a home gym, then get in there and use it! If not, then you certainly have a body, so get to work on some body-weight exercises. And of course, since most people reading this are involved in BJJ, schedule time for solo drills on as many days a week as you would typically train...or more if you’re really missing the sport (and who isn’t?).

While we’re on the topic of schedule, you can control that as well. Probably not for this entire month or even this week, but taking the time to write a to-do list each morning can be hugely empowering. I’ve tried to keep as many of my pre-quarantine routines as possible, including the times at which I wake up, work out, and eat my meals. All of this gets penciled into my daily calendar. I also still do my hair and put on makeup, albeit less than usual, because - again - those are things I can control. All of this might look completely different for you, but the important thing is to identify what you can control and then control the hell out of it, especially if it’s something that could become a good/healthy habit. Those are the things that deserve your energy; get the rest out of your head.

One last thing…

I’ve read countless statements about how we should all use this time to develop new skills and hobbies, catch up on housework or yard work, relax more, etc. Many of us are still working or trying to find work, juggling parenting and home-schooling duties, and/or feeling overwhelmed. So treat this expectation as yet another thing you cannot control, and push it out of your head with all the other things you can’t control. If you do end up with a freshly-painted home and an online degree in underwater basket weaving, awesome! If not, that’s okay too; you do not need to come out of this as a “new and improved” version of yourself. Do what you need to do - within reason - to get through this, and ignore all other expectations. The person you are today will suffice just fine.